Mary Shelly's Frankenstein

Released in 1994 under the direction of Kenneth Branagh ("Henry V," "Thor") on a budget of $45 million with distribution through Tristar Pictures; "Mary Shelly's Frankenstein," is one of a slew of horror remakes that came about in the 1990's following Francis Ford Coppola's critically praised "Bram Stoker's Dracula." Other remakes that came between 1992-1999 includes the likes of 1992's "Bram Stoker's Dracula," 1993's "Body Snatchers," 1994's "Mary Shelly's Frankenstein," 1995's "Village of the Damned," 1998's "Psycho," 1999's "The Haunting," "Sleepy Hollow," and "The Mummy."

Of these movies, three were spiritual remakes of the movies by Universal Studios from the 1930's which were in themselves, adapted from novels (except for "The Mummy" but that's debatable). Francis Ford Coppola's adaptation of Dracula was a superb, albeit flawed, adaptation that set the movie at the novel's original setting and followed the story more closely than previous version. Stephen Sommers' "The Mummy" was a special effects extravaganza that celebrated the pulp action feel of the time with a fantastic cast of actors to sell the absurdity of the story. 

I bring this up because if you look at these three movies together and wanted to give medals to each one, I would award them in this order: Francis Ford Coppola receives the gold, Stephen Sommers would receive the silver and Kevin Branagh would receive the bronze. If you think I'm doing that out of disdain and preference over directors, I ask you to see these movies again and think if my decision is warranted. Strap in ladies and gents cause it's time to give this review LIIIIIIIIIIFE!!!!!

Plot: In 1794, an ambitious adventurer named Robert Walton (Aidan Quinn) risks his ship and crew to reach the North Pole. While trapped in the ice, he discovers a man walking over the ice and brings him on board his ship to hear his story. The man is Victor Frankenstein (Kenneth Branagh) and this all began when Victor's mother (Cherie Lunghi) died giving birth to his brother William Frankenstein (Ryan Smith), prompting him to obsess over trumping death. He leaves his adopted sister Elizabeth (Helena Bonham Carter) and father Baron Frankenstein (Ian Holm) in Geneva, Switzerland and goes to a college in Ingolstadt, Germany. There, he befriends medical student Henry Clerval (Tom Hulce) and Professor  Waldman (John Cleese) who shows Victor his experiments with using electricity to make small creatures and limbs move. 

But it takes the death of Professor Waldman at the hands of a one-legged loon to make Victor create life by combining "raw materials" together to build his creature: the body of the loon who killed the professor, the brain of Professor Waldman and the leg of some guy at the morgue. But instead of lifting the body onto the roof and letting it get shocked with lightning, he puts his creation in a container full of birth canal fluid and electric eels that brings it to life…though it barely resembles how Mary Shelly described it in her novel. The Creature (Robert De Niro) is shaven, super strong, has one yellow eye, but is also very confused by what has transpired. Instead of helping The Creature, Victor is horrified by what he has made and attempts to dispose of it, but his creation steals his coat and flees, only to be hounded by the villagers thinking he is the cause of a cholera outbreak, which prompts him to flee into the woods and hide in the barn of a family. There, he learns to speak and read as he attempts to befriend this family but is chased away like before, prompting The Creature to seek vengeance on his creator.

Getting Victor's attention by murdering WIlliam and framing his nanny, Justine Moritz (Trevyn McDowell), Victor meets with The Creature who demands he make him a bride and in return, he will leave Victor alone forever. Not wanting to use the body of Justine, Victor breaks his promise to The Monster and The Monster retaliates by breaking Elizabeth's heart…by ripping it out. So Victor takes the brain of his wife and places it into the body of Justine and brings her to life, only to have her realize she has been horribly scarred by Victor and, rather than live like this, she sets herself on fire, which makes the entire mansion explode into flames apparently. 

Thus Victor's story ends as he dies on the ship, The Monster arrives and mourns over his creator, calling him "his father" as he sets himself on fire with Victor's funeral pyre, which prompts Robert to go home.

Well….it's closer to the novel than previous adaptations. It still has the elements of Frankenstein everybody came to see: Victor Frankenstein takes body parts to create his creature, he abandons it, it learns to speak and read but is constantly rejected by others because of his hideous appearance, yadda, yadda, social message this, social message that. It has the idea right, but it clicks by at such a manic pace that it feels as though the movie is just as eager to get to the part where the monster comes to life as we are. But as a result, it comes off as really campy, even more than the 1999 Mummy movie was was intentionally tongue-in-cheek.

Characters:

The actors play their part and do an…all right job. Really, the best thing in this movie is, no surprise, Robert De Niro as The Monster. He's the only one who seems more reserved and sympathetic while everyone else acts like they escaped from a mental hospital, there's this very moving speech the Monster gives near the end of the second act describing his treatment by people. Kenneth Branangh is a good actor, the man was nominated for an Oscar for playing Henry the 5th, but good Lord, seeing him in this movie, it's like the man has forgotten what subtlety is and he overacts almost every other scene.Tom Hulce is actually pretty good, but I'll always think of as Mozart from "Amadeus." As for Helena Bonham Carter…um…well, she's…okay? Yeah I don't really have anything much to say about her, but seeing her heart being torn out was probably more satisfying than it should have been.

Ian Holm does a fine job with his small part, so does John Cleese and Richard Briers and that's really the best of what I can say about the casting in this movie; the actors that are really good at what they do work, they do for what the script calls for them to do. But what really makes me scratch my head were the choices made by Kenneth Branagh to push so much ham into his role that you mistake Kenneth Branagh playing Dr. Victor Frankenstein for trying out for Dr. Fro-drick Fronk-enstein from "Young Frankenstein," minus the "DESTINY! DESTINY! NO ESCAPING, THAT'S FOR ME!" and "Putting on the Ritz."

Production:

Just like Francis Ford Coppola's 1992 film adaptation of Dracula, Branagh's adaptation looks fantastic and fits the era it's set in. Bringing the feel of 18th Century medical equipment and the dirty look of Europe during the Dark Ages…that…that didn't sound right. 

Yeah, this movie feels a little confused historically. While the students at the medical college and at the Frankenstein Manor look and dress the time period, the villagers looked like they came out of "Monty Python and the Holy Grail," I half expected one of them to say "There's some lovely filth over here!"

In terms of music, Patrick Doyle's score is about as subtle as the movie. It's bombastic and loud whenever Branagh's hamming it up and soft when it tries to be innocent or heartfelt whenever Victor and Elizabeth are together or when the Monster tries to connect with people.

But my favorite scene that cracked me up was when Elizabeth in her new body sets herself on fire and then runs through the mansion, setting it on fire. This was so hilariously over-the-top I honestly thought I was watching something out of a Hammer Horror film than something that was produced by Coppola, hell, even Coppola's movie wasn't this hilarious special effects-wise.

Bottom Line:

Um….wow this was goofy. I won't say the production is horrible or that the casting is terrible or that the movie is unfaithful to the original source material (which I barely remember reading back in Jr. High), but I will say that the tone for this, when it's taking it's time, it does work. When the movie can slow down and actually examine Victor Frankenstein's line of thinking, but so much of this movie feels too campy to take seriously. There's this 2 minute sequence in which after The Monster has come to life, Victor let's the monster out of the case, with all this birth canal fluid spilling out, the two of them keep slipping and sliding in this fluid, Victor Frankenstien not even wearing a shirt and the Monster is buck-ass naked, now in my more immature mindset, I would make some homosexual joke; but instead, I ask you to watch this scene with Wacky sound effects and a comical rolling piano line to go with it. Well, that's better, hopefully nobody gets insulted now.

But you see my point though, yes? The movie is just so campy when it's trying to take itself seriously and the first half clicks by so fast that the movie seems to want to get to the Monster like we all are. The sets are still cool to look at, the music is pretty good and Robert De Niro really is the best actor in this movie, working really well with all that make-up on his face and body. But if you asked me whether or not to watch it, I'd say, "eh, go ahead, but don't expect a repeat viewing."

Final Rating: 2.75/5

Things I Learned From "Silent Hill Revelation."

Sometimes, we learn things from movies; how to comfort others when they're sad, how to fight off the bad guys, or how to woo the ladies (or guys, I don't judge). But sometimes, movies present important lessons that one has to question on a regular basis whether the lessons these movies teach are good messages. So, in an effort to point out these lessons, as well as to make people crack up, here are the lessons I learned from 2012's film adaptation of the popular horror video games "Silent Hill Revelation."

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-The alarms going off the second the movie starts should be a warning to anyone that you should probably leave the theater while you still can.

-"Revelation" is the most overused subtitle in movies' since "Resurrection" and "Beginning." Don't believe me? "The Butterfly Effect 3: Revelations," "Hellraiser: Revelations," "Apocalypse II: Revelation," "Star Wars: Revelation," "Pokemon 2000: Revelation Lugia," hell, this even crosses over into video games, take another popular horror video game series "Resident Evil Revelations," "Assassin's Creed: Revelations," "Tomb Raider: The Last Revelation;" you get my point.

-When you're running from trouble, run into Rob Zombie's Carnival.

-Forget guys in hockey masks or dudes with chainsaws, the most threatening thing to scare you is a large pink bunny that looks at you.

-Let Pyramid Head operate the Merry-go-Round.

-Replace the fake horses on the Merry-Go-Round with dudes who are into BDSM.

-"You cannot defeat me. Do not go to Silent Hill." Sure, whatever you say weird pale goth chick, I wasn't even planning on it.

-Set people on fire to prevent them from riding the Merry-Go-Round. Geez and I thought Eric Cartman was mean when he just locked everyone out of his amusement park.

-Be woken up by Sean Bean.

-A nightmare within a nightmare? Call up Christopher Nolan, I think we have an idea for a sequel.

-Do a Jump Scare with a pop tart…this is gonna be a loooooooooooong movie, isn't it?

-Eat said pop tarts with spoons.

-Question your own name to your father even though "Heather" is a pretty average name that shouldn't be a problem.

-As a birthday present for your 18 year-old daughter who keeps changing her name, give her a sleeveless vest, that's funny, I use to wear a lot of those back when I was in Jr. High. My favorite was the blue one cause it had pockets inside the vest and I would carry my books and pencils around the school with them.

-Point out your dad's grey hair and have him blame it on you.

-You want to avoid saying the same thing you said in her dream? Okay then: "I dunno. A little paint, some flowers, some throw pillows, a-"

-"I'm careful, I'll be fine." Don't say that, it's like saying "Who's there?" in a slasher movie.

-Without your daughter's permission, look through her diary and tear out a page.

-Talk to a picture of your wife and then have some trippy conversation with her in a mirror.

-Tell your daughter her mother is dead to avoid telling her she's trapped in a mirror by some evil cult or whatever. At this point I'm reminded why I prefer"Silent Hill 2" since it wisely dispensed with the whole cult idea and just made it a more personal story.

-Stare at a homeless man to avoid getting on the bus.

-Talk to strange people who ask for your name cause they recognize you. I recognize her too, she was in "The Great Gatsby."

-If you're a teacher and it's clear your new student doesn't want to talk about themselves that much, pry them for more information about themselves, even if it makes them uncomfortable.

-"Do you get all your clothes from Goodwill?" Considering the area this school seems to exist in, I wouldn't be surprised if that's where everybody got their clothes and why isn't the teacher correcting this rude student?

-"…I don't think there are any original thinkers in the room…" I could say the same thing about the director, Michael J. Bassett.

-"Are you kidding me? I can't follow that." Sure you can, you're in "Game of Thrones," you can boast about the many conquests you've done.



-"Burn the Witch!" That's a strange class motto. I'd prefer to go with "We found a witch! May we burn her?"

-Apparently the dress code for this high school has gone back several centuries.

-Also the janitor has done a horrible job maintaining the school.

-Oh wait, there he is, though he seems to lack arms and a face. That would explain why the school looks like crap.

-Get pulled out of that hallucination by a guy who looks like Ziggy Sobotka from"The Wire."

-Ask a girl you've only just met today out for coffee.

-When someone you just met at a bus stop today is seen in front of the school, don't call the police, call your dad. You don't even have to give them your real name, especially since you've had so many.

-For the next birthday party you go to, get birthday balloons that say "Happy Birthday ________" and plaster any name you want on it so you can celebrate two birthdays at once.

-Eating human flesh at a birthday party? I'd hate to see what the party favors are.

-Walk into an "Employees Only" door when strange men who find you at a bus stop and stalks you to your school finds you.

-Apparently in this room there is some big bald guy who looks like he came off the set of "Hostel" cutting meat off some guy. Oh so THAT'S what McDonalds puts in their happy meals! 

-Threaten a private investigator who could have introduced himself when he first ran into you.

-The Order of Valtiel? Sounds more like a club for steakhouses to try really good steaks.

-Try to avoid getting your fingers removed by some creature that looks like it escaped off the set of "Saw" or from the video game "Clock Tower."

-Never leave a minor character alone in an elevator when a creature who was about to attack you disappears.

-You want to really f*ck around with somebody? Turn off the lights behind them.

-Hide in a utility closet…oh my God, this movie really sucks…

-If you're a police officer looking through some dead guy's wallet, loudly announce your findings so all the nearby witnesses can hear you.

-"I can't tell you because I have no idea what's going on in my head right now." I don't either and I've played the damn games.

-Travel on a subway with a creepy guy looking at you and the guy from "Game of Thrones."

-"Do you think there's a difference between dreams and reality?" There is, it's called "a totem." It can either by a spinning top or a loaded die.

-"My life's complicated enough." when did this guy bear an Irish-sounding accent and would you like to tell the class why your life sucks? No? Well okay then.

-"There are no suck things as dreams. Just endless realities just piled on top of each other." Damn it, I already made an "Inception" joke.

-"Some people see monsters…" but if you've made your peace, then the devils are really angels, freeing you from the earth. How do you like that? I made a movie reference to the movie that inspired the games.

-The f*ck? When did it start snowing? 

-"But at least I'm real. Or I think I am." well, if you think, then therefore you are. Hmm, I don't think I'm really learning anything from this movie, I'll have to try harder.

-Cockblock the guy who was actually being nice to you.

-Don't call the police if you come home and find "Come to Silent Hill" written in blood on your wall. Well, at least the wall got that lick of paint.

-Well here comes the first major problem with the movie: you have people telling you not to go to Silent Hill and you are being threatened to go to Silent Hill even though you have no idea where it is.

-Pull down a box that your dad has been hiding bearing a symbol similar to that on the wall. How did she know about this box?

-Tell the guy you originally told to piss off to help you when the police arrive.

-Read a letter left by your father telling you to not go looking for him or come to Silent Hill, which Heather doesn't seem to know where it is anyway.

-"Silent Hill was a prison colony built on ground taken from Native Indians."Someone was obviously watching "Poltergeist" that weekend.

-"Sounds like one of those crazy doomsday cults" as apart from all other cults that aren't about doomsday and a child being a vessel to cleanse the world anew?

-"The town was cursed by a demon child, her name's Alessa." So wait, is Silent Hill the cause of angered ancient spirits from a Native American burial ground or a curse of a demon? Make up your mind movie!

-Pyramid Head is apparently Alessa's guardian and executioner…okay, I know I wasn't going to try and rub in the fan boy thing in with this list, but I really need to address this. Pyramid Head was a symbolic representation of James' sexual frustration over his wife and the psychological need to be punished or 'executed' for his sins he committed. There really is no purpose to have Pyramid Head in this movie except that he's the most recognizable video game monster and people wouldn't know this was a Silent Hill movie unless he was in it.

-If you get tired, pull up to the nearest seedy motel you can find.

-Despite being warned by your dreams, your dad, some private investigator, your dad's notes and this guy you just met today who all tell you to not go to Silent Hill, insist on going to Silent Hill.

-"I don't have a choice." No, actually you do. I know you really care for your dad, but if you really loved your dad, you would do what he says and flee. In fact, book a plane trip to Europe to get as far away as possible.

-Never question how a guy you just met today who was born and raised in Silent Hill managed to even leave Silent Hill.

-Don't kick the guy who was picked to bring you to Silent Hill and insists you don't go to SIlent Hill even though you just met him today.

-"Why did you take him? Why not just take me?" "Because you have to return of your own free will. Taking him, they knew you'd follow." Why is that a rule? She didn't exactly come of her own free will last time, she was driven there. These rules of Silent Hill are bullsh*t.

-So wait, the only way to be freed is to bring together some evil demon thing that has half of it's essence living in some teenage girl and then kill it? What a brilliant plan, why not just pour holy water all over her while you're at it?

-Don't call room service if your room starts to dissolve and peel off the walls and bleed to reveal a leftover set from "Saw II."

-Ask a guy who seems to know a lot about this demon business and get the answer that he doesn't know what is going on.

-Watch this guy you just met today and learned he came from Silent Hill get attacked by that thing from "Clock Tower."

-Don't put on a hat or cover your face for all the ash and smoke around.

-Never question why an area that is so dangerous and once used to house people isn't under quarantine by the government.

-Question why she didn't go to this Asylum first before going to SIlent Hill to get this other half to an amulet that this guy she met today told her to go get.

-Meet a woman who is apparently responsible for giving birth for a demon spawn or whatever and not shoot her or heed her advice and leave.

-"Alessa was special, she was the only one that could survive the fire, that's why she was chosen." Is it because she had some demon thing in her or was it because her father was The Human Torch…or Hellboy.

-Oh, well that's not true, cause she still burned up, so I guess surviving fire doesn't mean still retaining your hair and skin.

-If you're dying, place the innocent part of you into a newborn child so she can be kidnapped later in her life and then forced to grow up and have a sucky childhood.

-At this point, recognize that you are 45 minutes into the movie and what should be the climax is in basic screenwriting structure is actually Act 2, but clearly disregard that rule since the screenwriter/director has done that already.

-Also at this point question if Alessa had killed everybody in the last movie or not if there are still people in this place or if they had come from a different dimension or not, only to just throw any questions or comparison to the last movie as it is clear the screenwriter/director has done that already.

-Leave an orphan baby on a orphanage doorstep out in the rain.

-If a creepy woman tells you to run while this church starts to dissolve behind you, hesitate to do so.

-Don't question why a birthday cake is there and with lit candles.

-Enter a room full of mannequins that are just sitting there waiting to jump scare you. Too bad they're not mannequins like in "Condemned, Criminal Origins."Those will get under your skin.

-Don't question how a mannequin can breathe and turn it's head towards you when it clearly lacks arms.

-Find a naked woman on a table and watch her turn into a mannequin.

-Try to save a woman from this CGI creature looks like they just combined the Split Worm from "Silent Hill 3" and Scarlet from "Silent Hill Homecoming."

-"Where did you come from?" A good question indeed.

-Apparently don't use the gun you took with you on this giant monster thing.

-Make no effort to try and save this woman you just met a minute ago.

-Question how a woman who looks more pale than than chick from "Hellboy II: The Golden Army" can bore a child that looks like Ziggy Sabotka.

-Coincidentally leave the warehouse and come across the Asylum you may or may not be looking for as you weren't exactly told which Asylum you were looking for.

-Never question if this Asylum is still in use why there is no security here.

-Never question why a safebox containing all these keys to patient cell rooms isn't locked.

-Shine a light on a pale man who has no eyes or nose.

-Finally remember you have a gun.

-Get locked behind in a cell by not putting something between you and the door to ensure you don't get locked inside.

-Get locked in said cell with a blind Malcolm McDowell, a wise lesson indeed.

-Hold half of an amulet in front of a blind Malcolm McDowell expecting him to know what it is.

-The Seal of Metatron? So the only thing that can defeat a demon is a Decepticon then?

-Shove the other half of an amulet into your chest and restore your eyesight.

-Use a handgun to blow a man across the room.

-If you've transformed into a monster and you're carrying the other half of a demon spawn thing over your shoulder, make no effort to stop her from reaching into your chest and pulling out the other half of the amulet.

-Use a flashlight that I'm quite certain you dropped earlier.

-It's good you have the Seal of Metatron, but do you really know what to do with it?

-If a guy with a large pyramid mask comes walking down the hallway of a prison cell block, stick out your arms and lose them for no reason except for the shock value.

-Take your patients to a room where a bunch of faceless nurses stand around in awkward positions until someone enters the room.

-Come more prepared if you can't trust the nurses in this room that will attack anyone that ins't in uniform.

-Never question why the nurses don't attack you but just assume their eyesight is based on movement.

-Run away even though these nurses don't feel like leaving the operating room.

-"Your dad would want you to leave." "You don't know that." Did you not read that letter your dad wrote to you?

-Have horrible memories of "The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies."

-Let the guy you only just met yesterday kiss you and run off distracting the gas mask dudes from "My Bloody Valentine."

-Experience Deja Vu.

-Apparently when Pyramid Head isn't chopping off prisoners' arms, he's running the Merry-Go-Round.

-"Daughter, Sister, Self." The sequel to the popular book "Eat, Pray, Love."

-Hug the evil demon thing until you absorb it…or something...

-So that's the end of the movie then right? No, didn't think so...

-"Why me?" For God's sake, you'd think she has short-term memory loss or something, haven't you been listening to anything anyone has been saying?

-"It is your destiny." Well, let's quote "Young Frankenstein" again: "DESTINY! DESTINY! NO ESCAPING THAT'S FOR ME! DESTINY! DESTINY! NO ESCAPING THAT'S FOR ME!"

-Question if they want to be free of their prison, why can't they just leave since it's clear they if they can send Jon Snow outside.

-Use some mystical amulet thing to dissolve a woman into that thing from "Clock Tower."

-Pyramid Head Vs. The Scissorman should have it's own spin-off movie.

-Let Pyramid Head leave, so long Deus Ex Machina that was only in the movie because it's the only thing that people actually remember from the games.

-"I can't leave." "what? why?" Yeah, why? You said yourself this place was just a place of lost souls.

-"This is my task, you've done what you had to do." Are you for real? Who was the one telling her to stay away from Silent Hill all the time?

-"You understand why I have to do this?" No, I don't, you lousy parent. I know she's 18 but come on! You just moved and she's still in school with no paying income! You deadbeat parent.

-Order some guy that your daughter met two days ago to look after your daughter even though the two barely know one another outside of just specifics like name, age and relation to Silent Hill.

-Hitchhike a semi truck with a piano playing for the soundtrack, just don't run into Bill Bixby.

-Travis Grady? You mean from "Silent Hill Origins?" Oh you son of a-

-A police convoy entering Silent Hill as the fog and ash return? Oh you cheap-ass lazy motherf*ckers, "Silent Hill Downpour" came out seven months BEFORE this movie did!

-Speaking of which, weren't you being hunted after by the police for a murder? Where could you possibly go?!

-Ending titles that remind me of the opening to "The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo."

-Post credits teaser shows Pyramid Head still dragging his giant Final Fantasy Buster Sword.

- -

Final Rating: 1/5
This is really bad.
I mean, REALLY bad.
For everything I said about the last movie, it makes the last movie look like"Citizen Kane."
At least the last movie's director understood "Silent Hill," it's clear from the get-go this director just doesn't get it. He seems to get the visual look of Silent Hill 3…for the most part, but most of the time, it feels like he's just throwing in what the fans liked from the games and threw them in just to appeal to them. Ya know, like what Paul Weak Sh*t Anderson does all the motherf*cking time with the"Resident Evil" movies.
The plot is nonsensical, even by Silent Hill standards which had an ending where you could have been kidnapped by aliens. The actors are boring next to wooden, the music is a bizarre combination of the original games' score with some industrial metal thrown in. The visuals looks nice and they definitely have that decayed Silent Hill feel, but I can't help but come under the impression the movies was more inspired by "Saw" than Silent Hill.

Don't see this movie, or the original movie for that matter. Just go play the video games, an HD collection was launched recently, go blow some cash on that thing, or a better idea, watch the movie that inspired the franchise, 1990's "Jacob's Ladder." While I personally don't think of it as 'scary; I do think it has a remarkable level of atmosphere that's very unsettling with profound poignancy to it's themes of death. This movie is horrid. It's not scary, it's not clever and it's clear that Michael J. Basset knows practically nothing about this series if he had to resort to asking the fans for ideas for this movie.

Skip this garbage and go play the actual games.

Elysium

Released in 2013 under the direction of Neil Blomkamp ("District 9") on a budget of $115 million with distribution through TriStar Pictures: "Elysium" is Neil Blomkamp's second feature film after the splash he made last year with the sleeper hit "District 9," a science-fiction movie that used human interaction with aliens to present a social message about racism. This time, Blomkamp takes a jab at health care and the class system, but without aliens.


In the year 2154; Earth has become a disease-ridden over-populated Earth (insert"Soylent Green" joke here), it's on the Earth's surface where the lower class live in filth-ridden slums and speak Spanish. While the wealthy upper class who can speak French get to live up on a space station called Elysium that provides machines that can heal anybody of whatever ailment or injury you've got (though it never says anything about healing mental disorders like Schizophrenia. On the surface is Max da Costa (Matt Damon), a parolee that works in a robot factory that gets abused by robot police for trying to joke around. He dreams of saving up his money so he can go to Elysium some day, but this is more than unlikely since refugees who try to go into Elysium illegally get blown to smithereens by Sleeper agents like Kruger (Sharlto Copley) who are given orders by Secretary for Defense Jessica Delacourt (Jodie Foster). At work, because of doing something really stupid and not pushing the big red Emergency Stop Button before going in, Max is doused with lethal amounts of radiation and fired by his doucebag boss John Carlyle (William Fichtner). Without any options, Max makes a deal with crippled smuggler Spider (Wagner Moura) to steal information from an Elysium citizen to gain access into Elysium, in exchange for helping Max receive treatment for his radiation poisoning. With an exoskeleton bolted to his body, can Max acquire the information and save himself as well as the people of Earth?
The story is, okay. It's sadly predictable in many spots, especially when this little girl recounts of a story about a hippopotamus helping a meerkat, it doesn't take a genius to figure out the symbolism behind her story and who the hippo and the meerkat is supposed to represent. Matt Damon is okay, Jodie Foster is a real bitch in this movie and as for Sharlto Copley is terrifying in his role.
Just like "Pacific Rim," the visuals stand out far more than the characters or storyline and even the social message feels like something out of a Michael Moore film. They're very good, don't get me wrong, the action is cool and the message is strong, but at points it borderlines between preachy and poignantly subtle. For me, this movie falls under the same critiques I gave "Pacific Rim," the idea and visuals are solid, but the story and characters are too familiar, with the exception of Sharlto Copley as Kruger. Still, I'm glad I saw the movie.

Final Rating: 3/5

The Heat review

Released in 2013 under the direction of Paul Feig ("Unaccompanied Minors" "Bridesmaids") on a budget of $43 million with distribution from Twentieth Century Fox; "The Heat" is a buddy cop movie starring Miss Congeniality teamed up with Sookie St. James. What? So I use to watch "Gilmore Girls," so what? There wasn't nothing else good on TV at the time…>>

If you've seen "Lethal Weapon" then you should get the premise; two mismatched law enforcers are forced to work together to solve a case. In this case, FBI Agent Sarah Ashburn (Oscar-Winner Sandra Bullock) is a skilled by-the-books agent whose arrogance makes her very unlikable by her fellow agents. Hoping to acquire a promotion, Ashburn heads to Boston to uncover a drug kingpin named Larkin, there, she finds herself teamed up with loudmouth Boston detective Shannon Mullins (Oscar-Nominee Melissa McCarthy). Despite their initial hostilities, the two put aside their differences and work together to bring in this mysterious drug kingpin. But if that sways your mind to stay away; rest assured, I had doubts too, but when the movie opened with a "Shaft"-esqe opening, those doubts drifted down river.

As I stated before, the story is familiar: two cops who are very different from one another have to work together, they get into trouble, they have a scene to bond, they are kicked off the case, they eventually reunite to finish the case, you get the gist. It's a story that you'd expect to see. But you'd be surprised how much it works here. Again, the story is familiar but it has it's share of twists such as who is Larkin, said twist does lead to a funny albeit semi-tragic moment. 

No, what sells the movie are the leading ladies and my God, these two need to do more movies together. Their chemistry is outstanding, McCarthy's brash Boston attitude serves tons of laughs but gives room for character development. Bullock's character is just the usual by-the-books officer of the law character that eventually begins to loosen up and starts to adapt the partner's behavior. Both are very funny and both spit comedic fire. Even for a movie that's been in theaters since June, I still found people who laughed so hard they almost rolled out of their seats, giving 13,000 people jobs. No really, if you stay until after the end credits, there is a text prompt notifying the audience that this movie gave 13,000 people jobs and it's because of audience members like you that allow them to pay for their welfare and upkeep. 

I had a lot of fun overall. I laughed more than I thought I would. If you haven't seen this movie, check it out, it's worth the price of admission. Thankfully, there was no diarrhea jokes in this movie like in "Bridesmaids." Cripes, I really hated that movie...and THAT was nominated for Best Original Screenplay back in 2011 when it followed ALL the usual romantic comedy cliches?

Final Rating: 4/5